Hello Kitty has no mouth, and she must vlog

Hello Kitty is a lot of things: a British schoolgirl, definitely not a cat, Japan’s tourism ambassador, and now, YouTube vlogger. She put out her first video yesterday, and in it, she speaks honestly from the heart. It’s actually the only place she can speak from because she has no mouth.

Hello Kitty starts off by saying how she Googles herself sometimes and sees haters commenting that “she’ll do anything,” when actually, she just has a wide variety of interests. Vlogging just happens to be one of them. Initially, the head honchos at Sanrio were skeptical. They warned her that “the internet is a scary place,” and not, “Hello Kitty, you have no mouth and cannot speak.” Despite the odds stacked against her, she stands before us now in a five-minute video that could honestly have been condensed into a few bullet points, but that’s how we know she’s a real YouTuber.

 Image: Sanrio

Here’s hoping her channel gets popular enough for her to take on Logan Paul in a boxing match. She has pretty good management behind her, so there’s virtually no risk of her pulling a TanaCon and having to put out the inevitable 23-minute-long apology video. Hello Kitty says she might even invite her pals Kirimi-chan and Gudetama to guest star sometime, so we’ll keep an eye out for those collabs. I’m guessing we probably won’t see Aggretsuko, despite the red panda’s obvious calling to the stage. She seems like more of a Twitch streamer anyway.